Not Real
by GhostDog401
Summary: Post Auld Acquaintance, Roy's POV. I wasn't the real Roy Harper. I wasn't the real Speedy. I wasn't even sure if I was the real Red Arrow. Ollie and Roy FATHER SON stuff and Roy angst


**Not Real**

**Roy's POV**

I wasn't the real Roy Harper

I wasn't the real Speedy

I wasn't even sure if I was the real Red Arrow

All my memories are fake, my whole life was fake, I have nothing, but programming, images and fake memories stored in my mind like it's a computer.

I sit there, unsure of what to do next, unsure of who to be.

I can't be Roy Harper, because I'm not Roy Harper. I was never the adopted son of Oliver Queen, just a replacement.

I can't be Speedy, because I'm not Speedy. I left that role behind months earlier and even if I hadn't I wasn't the real Speedy.

I can't even be Red Arrow, because he's a fugitive, a criminal, he betrayed everyone he, everyone I, cared about, or at least _Speedy _cared about.

Tears are rolling down my face now, as I roll up into the ball on _Speedy's _bed, not my bed, I'm not real; I'm just a shell of the true hero I was designed to replace.

Every things fake, everything I knew was a lie, a program.

I never really helped Wally and Dick paint the Batmobile pink.

I wasn't there when I first meant my, _Speedy's, _little brothers. I wasn't the one who laughed at Kid Flash's hyper-activeness, or rolled my eyes when Robin disappeared.

I wasn't the one who made the mistake of racing Wally or playing Hide and Seek with Robin.

I wasn't the one who made Ollie laugh and roll his eyes when I pinned Batman to a wall with my arrow.

More tears are rolling down my face now and my whole body is shaking with sobs.

I'm a no one, a freak; I'm not even supposed to exist. I was a replacement, a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I was a liar and a traitor.

I was the mole.

I was a failure.

I stand up shakily and open up the window to my room staring outside before grabbing my quiver and bow, preparing to escape from _Speedy's _home, not my home, because I'm not Speedy, I'm not Roy.

I'm a no one.

But before I can tight arms grab me and pull me into a hug, I tense instincts taking over for a second, before I realize whose hugging me and I do something I don't remember doing since I was ten, sink into the embrace and sob.

The arms pull me in tighter and a hand runs through my hair.

"Shhh Roy," a soft voice whispers. "I'm right here."

"I'm not Roy," I half scream, half sobbed, and I pull away and hug myself. "I'm not your son."

A hand lifts up my chin and I look into the eyes of _Speedy's _father, because he can't be my dad, I don't have a father, but the love he remembered was still there, and the fear that came with it.

"You are still Roy," Ollie's voice was gentle, but commanding. "You may not be the original Roy, but you still are him. Just because there's another Roy out there doesn't mean you have to be someone you're not."

"But I'm nothing, but a replacement, a clone," I muttered sinking into the bed. "I'm nothing, I shouldn't even be here."

"So you're saying Superboy is a nothing, a replacement, just a clone?" He asked his eyes soft.

"What? No! Super—Conner, he's great, moody, but great, he's original. He may have started out as a replacement, but he was rescued and got to live his own life. Me? My programming has already been accomplished; I hurt and betrayed everyone I care about. How can I forget something like that?" I scream, angry confusion filling my body. "I HAVE NO ONE! I HAVE NOTHING! ONLY FAKE MEMORIES AND EMOTIONS! ONLY THE PROGRAMMING THOSE FREAKS SLAMMED INTO MY BRAIN!" Another sob, another raspy breath. "I'm a nothing."

Sighing Ollie sat down next to me on the bed, "I have no easy answer for you Roy." He told me, placing a hand on my shoulder, causing me to look at him. "I have no idea what you're going through, but I can tell you this. I have known you for three years, I have loved you as my son for three years and nothing's going to change that. In my eyes you will always be my son, you will always be my partner, I will always care for you."

Before I can stop myself I'm hugging Ollie tightly, "Thank you." I whisper. "Thank you." I feel weak, I feel pathetic, but every now and then everyone needs a hug, everyone needs someone who they can talk to, who they can love. For me Ollie was that person, he had been my father ever since my previous mentor had died, and would be until I died.

Tight arms wrapped around me, "Your welcome, Roy."

"I still need to find him," I whisper. "I still need to find Speedy."

Hesitation and then, "The Justice League went to Cadmus, everything was destroyed, Speedy and the other Super clone Conner talked of were not to be found."

I pull away and dry my tears, pulling on my mask, "Then I better get going." I start to climb out the window and look back at Ollie.

For a moment I think he's going to grab me and keep me for leaving, but after a few moments he sighs, "Just be careful please," he tells me softly. "I've already lost you once, I can't lose you again."

I have no idea if he's referring to _Speedy _or when I quit being his partner, either way I can see the hurt and fear in his eyes.

"Don't worry Ollie," I say smiling for the first time since I found out I was a clone. "I'll be fine, you worry too much."

With that I swung up onto the roof and began hopping along them, and it felt right.

I may not be the original Roy Harper or Speedy.

I may not even be Red Arrow, but I know one thing that I am.

I am a hero, an ex-partner to Green Arrow, and Oliver Queen's son.

I am me.

**So what did you think? A little Ollie, Roy father/son stuff here, some Roy angst there, personally I liked it :D**

**First person is really hard for me to start and stay in, so I apologize if sometimes I switch to third, anyways,**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


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